Fun Friday–Things People Say to Our Large Family

As you might imagine, we’re usually noticed when we go out anywhere. So for fun we decided to post many of the phrases people have legit said to us. Most in this list we’ve heard multiple times. We also hear many lovely and encouraging comments, but they don’t make as entertaining of blog posts, so we left those out.

Though many of these comments can be offensive, most of the people making them didn’t intend them that way. We usually get a kick out of them and appreciate that people are simply curious. I’d rather people make the comments out loud so we can address them than never feel freedom to open those doors in these sensitive, easily offended days. So please see this post simply with the intent to be fun.

• “These aren’t all yours, are they?”–This is said more as a statement than a question.
• “You do know what causes that, right?”–We legit say each time this is asked, “We’ve been trying to figure that out. Could you explain it in great detail and loudly?”
• “Better you than me.”–Yes, because kids ruin lives.
• “Are they all yours by the same man/woman?”–I would love to say this has only been asked once. This is one of our most common questions. Always asked by men.
• “Which ones are your real kids?”–All ten, but there are times we wonder if their brains have been eaten by zombies. So maybe not real after all.
• “Wow. WOW!”–We’re just going to go out on a limb here and assume this expression is awe at our parenting skills and not the beginning of a panic attack.
• “Oooh–let me see if I can figure out which ones were adopted!”–Cause it’s super fun for our kids to constantly be identified as the adopted ones…
• <Gaping, silent stare because they can’t figure out what to say.>
• “Did you not want black kids? Is that why your adopted kids are white?”–So glad you noticed. Our white kids are the minority in almost all our circles because we don’t like black people. And when you adopt through DCS, you get to choose exactly what age, race, gender, and personality you get so that your lives are as seamless as possible. If you’ve heard that adoption isn’t about you but about providing safe, loving environments for kids from trauma no matter what they look like, or that you have very little say in who’s placed in your care, you need to check your sources.
• “Do you run a group home?”–Basically, yes.
• “Do you run a camp?”–Basically, yes.
• “Do you run a daycare?”–Basically, yes, except we pay for all the kids and don’t get a salary.
• “Are you a foster parent?”–In Indiana, we can’t be temporary parents for children, only their forever home.
• “When you walked in with all those kids, I rolled my eyes and thought, “Oh great.” But they were actually really well behaved!”–So glad our children didn’t ruin your life like they’ve ruined ours.
• “I don’t think parents of large families can be good adoptive parents.”–Glad to hear what you think.
• “You don’t look old enough to have that many kids.”–Move in with me and keep whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
• “Were some of them from previous marriages?”–As far as we know, no.
• “That one looks EXACTLY like his Dad! (referring to Malcolm and Bill, who aren’t biologically related)”–Cause they’re all our real kids.
• “Ten kids! Ha!! Wait, you’re serious???”–No, we just like eliciting that reaction in people.
• “What a blessing?”–Was that rhetorical?
• “Hmmm, you all have made quite the carbon footprint…”–We personally hate the environment and hope to see it destroyed as quickly as possible. Who wants fresh air??
• “You must make a lot of money!”–Absolutely! Sorry I have to cut this short, but it’s almost time for me to spend my daily hour with my children so their nanny can have a break.
• “Wait till they’re all teenagers!”–Oh no! The horrors! Cause humans under the age of thirteen are soooo easy with absolutely no issues. And teenagers are despicable human beings who love to be treated as though they’re aliens who are only burdens to their parents.
• <Counting out loud as we pass>–Can you sing your ABC’s next?
• “Any twins?”–Bill simply says no, refusing to give additional information, forcing the other person to awkwardly either ask follow-up questions or just end with, “Oh.”
• “You have enough for two basketball teams!”–The number one comment made by dads. Though you could fill in almost any sport, and I promise we’ve heard it. I think it’s their way to deal in case their wives have a desire for a big family.
• “Are you Catholic?” or closely related “Are you Mormon?”–That was probably offensive on my part to say those are closely related…
• “Do you homeschool them?”–I mean, I’m super competitive and win almost all slug bug competitions and board games, so yeah, I school my kids every day. Also, yeah, we’re the stereotypical large family who homeschools. But I don’t wear denim jumpers, so there!
• “Do you have a big house?”–It’s huge. Sometimes we invite people who count us as we pass to our home so they can also count how many rooms we have in our McMansion. And to see if there are more kids hiding out in there somewhere.
• “How do you do it?”–Bill’s answer: Shock collars.